I have this condition of the heart lately – an almost constant longing for something more, something else. I want today to be tomorrow. I want to be anywhere but here. I want to travel somewhere new, to book Phil’s and my next vacation even though we just got back from a short one. I want to start a family. I want to own our own home. I want, I want, and I want some more. With the internet as it is, we’re all given a chance to peer into other people’s lives through blogs, facebook, twitter, etc. and I find that it is so easy to imagine most people have a far more fascinating and wonderful life than I do. And even without that, I think it has always been easy to imagine I “need” more than what I already have, and to look ahead to the future with longing without living in the opportunity of today.

“But godliness WITH CONTENTMENT is GREAT GAIN. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.” (1 Timothy 6:6-7)

Contentment. That hits home to me today. I don’t think I could be living farther from that in my heart these days.

When I think about all that I do have, I realize that God has been very generous with me. I feel and know this most deeply when I think about the amazing husband God has blessed me with. When it comes to Phil, I truly could not ask for more in a husband (although sadly, there are plenty of times where I selfishly think he ought to be a whole lot more). When I'm thinking clearly, I know that Phil is absolutely perfect for me and more loving than I have ever known. He is the precious answer to almost a decade of tearful prayers and longing for a godly husband and partner in this life. How shamefully quickly I can move on to ache over my next longing and miss the opportunity to praise God for all I have already been given! And you know what? Even if I were to get to the place where I could honestly say that I could be content with only Phil and nothing else - no other possessions - I would be (perhaps a little crazy and) completely off-base in where I placed the source of my contentment. Even Phil could be taken from me someday. He was never meant to be the one to fulfill me and be my joy’s security.

It is so clear to me today that my contentment is not resting in what it ought to be at this point in my life. The only true contentment will be found in an intimate, alive relationship with Christ. It will be found in gratitude for what I have been given and who I am in Him and the knowledge of my sure hope to someday forever be with the God of the universe who for some reason happens to love me with a greater love than I can comprehend! That is the only unshakable foundation for contentment in this life. Frankly, lately I have spent far too much time sighing over little wants than gazing at the One who makes all those other things I want seem as small in importance as they actually are. Sure they’re all good things, and I very well may be blessed with some of them someday, but what about today? Because of Christ and His great love towards me there is enough in this moment for all the contentment and joy I could imagine. But will I see it and embrace the truth of it with all my heart? Will you? Pray with me that it will be so. I can almost taste the peace and freedom found there.